


I Don't Like the Unknown

by j241308



Category: Original Work
Genre: Cancer, Hospitals, Leukemia, M/M, Medical, Original Fiction, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:13:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 17,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26365495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j241308/pseuds/j241308
Summary: Aaron and Sean have been married for two years and they couldn't be happier. But when Sean is diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia their lives are turned upside down. They struggle to be strong for each other as the future they dreamed of is suddenly unclear.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character





	1. Chapter 1

Aaron woke up to the sound of something hitting the floor. He sat up and saw his husband standing by the dresser getting ready for work.  
"Fuck," Sean said. "I didn't mean to wake you up."  
"What time is it?" Aaron asked.  
"It's 5am. Go back to sleep," Sean answered. "I didn't mean to wake you."  
"It's fine," Aaron said. "Do you want me to make you some breakfast?" he asked Sean.  
"No, go back to sleep," Sean said.  
"I can at least wait til you've left. I'll turn a light on so you can see," Aaron said while reaching for the lamp.  
"Thanks," Sean said when the light turned on. "That does help a bit."  
"Well there's no reason to get ready in the dark. I don't mind getting up early." Aaron scooted to the end of the bed, near where Sean was standing and grabbed his husband's arm. He noticed it was covered in blue and purple bruises.   
"Sean what happened to your arm?" he asked, concern in his voice.  
Sean hesitated for a second before saying, "It's just from work."   
Aaron noticed he looked at the ground while he spoke.   
Aaron looked his husband in the eyes. "You're lying," he said sternly.  
Sean looked away. "No I'm not," he replied shortly.  
Aaron sat cross-legged, tilted his head, and stared at his husband.  
"Sean I know you so well. I can tell you're lying. What's wrong?"  
Sean sighed and looked at Aaron seriously.  
"I don't know where they came from. I've been getting a lot of random bruises lately that show up without reason."  
"Then we're going to the doctor," Aaron said immediately while grabbing his husband's hand.  
"Absolutely not!" Sean replied and turned his back to Aaron.  
"And why not?" Aaron questioned.  
"Because," Sean began, "The doctor will run a thousand tests and recommend a thousand medicines all which will cost me a thousand dollars."  
"Oh dear Lord," Aaron replied, shaking his head.  
"You know I'm right," Sean said with a slight smirk.  
"I think you're crazy and stubborn and believe too many conspiracy theories," Aaron said with a shrug.  
"Well you love me anyway so that's what matters," Sean said. He gave his husband a kiss and then turned to leave. "Go back to sleep," he yelled while walking out of the room.  
Aaron sighed.   
He had over 3 hours before he had to leave for his job so he could go back to sleep.   
He also could be productive, but sleep seemed like the better choice.  
He was not a morning person like Sean.  
Sean would get up before 6am every morning to go to his job on the ranch, while Aaron would hit the snooze button on his alarm until he absolutely had to get up and get ready for work.   
He checked his watch. It was 5:23am. He had almost 2.5 more hours to sleep. It didn't take long for him to fall back asleep.

At 7:45am Aaron's alarm went off. He groaned, but forced himself to get up and start getting ready for work.  
He walked into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He turned towards the shower to grab his washcloth when something caught his eye.  
"Jesus," he muttered looking at what was in the trash can.   
There was a pile of blood soaked tissues that definitely weren't in there last night.  
He had no idea where they could've came from.   
It had to have been Sean, unless the dog had been bleeding, but Sean probably would've said something if it was about Beau.   
Aaron wondered if he should text Sean and ask. He was a little worried about his husband.   
He always seemed so tired lately, and those bruises on his arm were anything but reassuring.  
Sean had seemed upset though when Aaron mentioned going to the doctor. It didn't exactly surprise Aaron since Sean was extremely stubborn about that kind of stuff.  
Maybe there was a way he could convince him. And if that didn't work he could always try to trick him.   
He'd figure something out. Right now he needed to get to work. 

"Good morning sunshine!" Aaron's co-worker Cameron said with both enthusiasm and sarcasm.  
"Well aren't you bright and cheery this morning," Aaron said back.  
"Well I figure," Cameron began, "It's Thursday, so we just have to get through today and then tomorrow we'll wake up knowing we can drink after work cause it'll be the weekend."  
"Bold of you to assume I don't drink anyways," Aaron joked.  
"You know what I mean," said Cameron. "We can go to a bar and have fun."  
"You do know I have a husband and cannot hit on every man I see like you do right?" Aaron asked.  
"Of course I know that. That's why it works perfectly. You're like my wingman," Cameron explained, "You help me pick up men and then you leave."  
"You could just not pick up all your men in bars and then maybe you wouldn't need me," Aaron said.  
Cameron raised his eyebrows at him. "Didn't you meet Sean in a bar?"  
"Shut up," Aaron laughed.  
"So are you in for tomorrow?" Cameron asked hopefully.   
Aarom sighed. "I don't know man. I'm worried about Sean. He's been so tired lately and he's too stubborn to go see a doctor."  
"Well he does work hard jobs," Cameron said, "I imagine he'd be tired."  
"Well it's not just that," Aaron lowered his voice in case anyone was listening to their conversation. "He had all these bruises on his arm this morning and when I asked him about it he seemed kinda freaked out. But of course when I said he should see a doctor he refused."  
Cameron looked thoughtful. "Yeah that's tough," he said. "I'm sure everything's fine though. If he gets too bad he'll have to go to the doctor."  
Aaron shook his head and chuckled. "The way he is about doctors it's more a matter of he'll go when I force him to go."

It was about 4pm and Aaron was ready for the day to end. The last couple hours always seemed to go by ridiculously slow. Aaron didn't hate his job as a social worker, but he was always much happier to be at home with his husband and dog.   
He wondered if he should go out with Cameron tomorrow. He used to be such an extrovert and never say no to going out with people, but ever since he's been with Sean he would much rather just go home and be with him.   
It was hard to find time to spend together sometimes with Sean working such early hours. He went to bed much earlier than Aaron and was usually already gone by the time Aaron woke up.   
Aaron wondered if they would do anything fun this weekend or if Sean would be too tired again.   
He really was worried about him. He just didn't seem like himself lately. But Aaron knew better than to push him to see a doctor. The two got along tremendously until one tried to change the other's mind.  
Aaron thought back to one of their worst fights when they were discussing their future.   
Sean wanted to stay in their home town, which was in the middle of nowhere in Montana, while Aaron wanted to move to a city and start new.   
Sean also had his heart set on a big family, so naturally he was upset when Aaron said he didn't want kids.   
At the time Aaron didn't think their relationship would make it. They just wanted such different things. But they loved each other so much they compromised.   
And now they have their life today, living just outside of Denver. Sean gets to work on a ranch and Aaron gets to work in the city.   
They adopted a dog so they could feel more like a family.   
It's a good situation, but Aaron still fears Sean will decide to pursue his dream life and leave Aaron.  
Aaron worries about that a lot - if Sean left him he wouldn't have anybody.   
He doesn't talk to any of his family; they treated him awful after he came out and didn't even come to his wedding.  
He has friends, but he's not close with them like he is with Sean. He just feels so safe and happy with Sean and he can't imagine life without him.

Aaron's mind continues to wonder as he finishes to work until his thoughts are interrupted by his cellphone ringing.  
He doesn't recognize the number, but he picks up anyway.  
"Hello," he says.  
"Hi I'm calling for Aaron Cobb," the man on the other end says.  
"This is Aaron speaking," Aaron says.  
"Hi Aaron," the man begins, "I'm calling from the Rose Medical Center. Your husband Sean Stafford was brought in to our emergency department after he fainted at work."  
A million thoughts run through Aaron's head, but he manages to say with a shaking voice, "Is he okay?"  
"He's alright," the man says, and Aaron breathed a sigh of relief.  
"But," he continues, "based on some symptoms he said he's been having we're going to need to run some tests, and I think you should be here."  
Aaron's heart drops. He knew something was wrong. He should've made Sean go to the doctor this morning, or better yet last week when he started to notice something was off.   
"I'll be there right away," Aaron says.  
All he can do now is be there for Sean and hope for the best.


	2. Chapter 2

Aaron rushed up to the front desk of the emergency department.  
"I'm here to see my husband, Sean Stafford," he said quickly.  
The lady at the front desk hit some keys on her computer and hollered, "Lana!"  
Another lady rushed over. "Yes?" she asked.  
"Can you take this man to see the patient in room 5?" The lady said while keeping her eyes on the computer.  
"Of course," Lana replied. "Come with me sir."  
"Have you seen him? Does he look okay?" Aaron asked as they walked down the hall.  
"He's alright sir," Lana answered. "The doctor will give you more information soon."  
The two walked a little farther down before Lana stopped and said, "This is his room, let me know if you need anything."  
"Thank you," Aaron said to her.  
He looked in the doorway and saw Sean laying on the hospital bed. Aaron could already feel himself getting upset; he hated to see his husband this way.  
When Sean noticed Aaron there he quickly said, "Don't freak out. I'm fine. I told them not to call and worry you."  
Aaron walked over to Sean and grabbed his hand. "I am worried," he said. "What's going on?"  
"It's nothing," Sean snapped. "They shouldn't have even brought me here. I was just overdoing it at work and I passed out."  
"Sean stop," Aaron said sternly. "We both know something's wrong and we need to figure out what so you can get better."  
"No what we need to do is go home," Sean said while looking away from Aaron.  
"Well once the doctor says you can go home then we will," Aaron said. "But he said on the phone that he wants to run some tests."  
"Well I'm not doing them," Sean said stubbornly. "They don't need to charge me a fortune to run a bunch of tests that'll show some minor problem that they'll charge me a fortune to fix."  
"Sean stop," Aaron replied. "What if something is wrong? If they catch it early it'll be easier to treat."  
"I'd rather just not know and let it kill me," Sean muttered.  
"Stop," Aaron said immediately. "Do not talk that way. I know you're scared. I am too. But we can't just ignore this. And you're my husband, I'm not just gonna sit here and let you die because you won't acknowledge the problem."  
Sean didn't say anything. Aaron didn't either for a minute, but then he decided to continue.  
"I never told you this before," he began, "But back in college I had an HIV scare. I was drinking a lot and doing drugs and having sex with lots of different guys. One day one of my partners called me and said he tested positive for HIV and I should get tested too. I was so scared and I wanted to just ignore it, pretend he never told me. But I took action and got tested. And I got lucky and didn't have it, but if I had and I never got tested I might not even be alive today. So that's why I want you to take care of yourself. I want us to live long lives together. And you're older than me so if you go first that's fine, but now is way too early, so we need to get this solved and get you healthy."  
Sean didn't say anything at first.  
After a minute or two of silence he sat up and grabbed Aaron's hand and concentrated on his gorgeous blue eyes as he spoke.   
"Why did you never tell me that before?"  
"Because Sean," Aaron said, "I felt guilty about it. You've never done stuff like that, the drugs and all the sex. I felt like you wouldn't still want to be with me if you knew all that."  
"Aaron," Sean said softly, "That was so long ago, before we were together. What you did in the past doesn't define you. And I know your childhood was nothing like mine and your family has not been good to you. I'm not gonna judge you when I can't relate to the stuff you went through."  
Sean paused for a minute before he reluctantly said, "And you're right I should probably get the tests done so we can make sure there's no issues."  
Aaron smiled at him. "Thank you," he said.  
"You're welcome," Sean said. "But they better hurry up because I want to go home."

Sean and Aaron arrived back at their house later that night. Sean opened the door and was immediately greeted by their dog Beau.  
"You have no idea how good it is to see you Beau," Sean said while petting the husky.   
"Sean go sit down," Aaron said. I'll make you some dinner and I'm calling my boss to tell him I won't be in tomorrow."  
"Why are you not going to work?" Sean asked. "Don't just stay home to take care of me."  
"Sean it's not a big deal. I'm gonna worry about you all day if I'm there so I might as well just stay here," Aaron said.  
"Why don't I just call you if I need you to come home?" Sean suggested.  
"Because I know you won't call even if you need something," Aaron replied.  
"Please go to work," Sean begged. "I love you, but if you're here taking care of me I'm just gonna be thinking of how something might be wrong and I'd rather not think about it til the doctor calls."  
"Okay fine," Aaron agreed. "But please call if something's wrong. Don't be stubborn."  
"I won't be," Sean promised. "Besides you'll have all weekend to take care of me. Take advantage of your day at work."  
"Trust me I'd rather be here than at work," Aarom chuckled. "But since I am going to work I need to go to bed. Are you coming?"  
Sean stood up and said, "Yes I'm exhausted."

Aaron walked into work the next morning and Cameron immediately raised his eyebrows at him.  
"Yes?" Aaron asked.  
"What happened yesterday? You disappeared and you haven't responded to any of my texts," Cameron interrogated.  
Aaron sighed. "Honestly I've barely checked my phone. It was a rough night."  
"Is everything okay?" Cameron asked.  
Aaron sat down and said, "Not really. Sean passed out at work and they sent him to the er. The doctor wanted to run blood tests and stuff. We won't know the results til next week, but I'm worried something's wrong."  
"Shit. I'm so sorry," Cameron said sympathetically. "I know you were worried yesterday, but I didn't realize it was this serious."  
Aaron ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah I'm a little stressed," he said. "I just need to make it through today and then at least I'll be home with Sean."  
"Yeah I guess no bars tonight," Cameron said disappointedly.  
"As much as I could use a drink, I better get home as quick as I can," Aaron replied.

After a long day at work Aaron arrived home. He walked in the door and smelled something burning. "Shit," he thought, "What am I smelling?"  
He walked into the kitchen and saw Sean grinning sheepishly.  
"So I tried to cook for you..." Sean mumbled.  
"Dear Lord. Sean we've been married for two years and living together for longer and in that time we have discovered that I am the cook and you are the repairman and if we try to switch those roles it does not end well," Aaron said exasperated.  
Sean laughed and gave Aaron a hug. "I thought it would be nice for me to cook for once," he said. "I just forgot how hard it is to cook."  
"Okay you are crazy," Aaron laughed. "Why don't I fix us something?"  
"That's probably a good idea," Sean agreed.   
Aaron fixed them dinner and the two had a pleasant evening where they could forget about their worries.

Aaron woke up to the sound of his alarm going off. He desperately wanted to hit snooze and go back to sleep. He already hated Mondays, but this one was particularly worse because Sean would be hearing from the doctor today.   
Aaron sat up and noticed Sean wasn't even in bed. Of course he would get up early even on his off days.  
Aaron got out of bed, got ready for work, and headed downstairs.  
Sean was sitting on the couch petting Beau. He looked upset.  
"Sean are you alright?" Aaron asked.  
Sean looked up startled by Aaron's sudden appearance. "I'm fine. Just a little nervous to talk to the doctor today."  
Aaron sat down beside him and put his arm around him. "I am too," he said. "I'd be more than happy to stay home if you want me to."  
"No go in," Sean said while resting his head on Aaron's shoulder. "There's no sense in both of us sitting around all day worrying. You'll at least be a little distracted at work."  
"Okay, but call me if you want me to come home," Aaron said and kissed Sean's head.  
"I will, I promise," Sean replied.  
Aaron gave his husband another kiss and left for work. He hoped he would come home to some good news.


	3. Chapter 3

Aaron rushed home as quick as he could. He hadn't heard from Sean all day and he wasn't sure if that was a good or bad sign.   
He walked in and saw Sean standing in the kitchen, staring out the window.   
He had a bad feeling about what Sean was about to say.  
"Did you hear from the doctor?" Aaron asked tentatively.  
Sean turned around. "Yeah," he said slowly, "Um they want me to come in for a bone marrow biopsy. I guess the blood tests looked bad or something and they're concerned."  
"Shit," Aaron thought to himself. He had really hoped they would say nothing was wrong.  
"Are you going to get the bone marrow thing done?" Aaron asked, worried Sean would say no.  
Sean nodded. "Yeah. I go in tomorrow to get that done."  
Aaron hated how scared Sean sounded. This was a big change in attitude from when the doctors first ordered tests. Whatever they said clearly had Sean believing something was wrong.   
"Sean?" Aaron asked.  
"Yeah," Sean replied.  
"Do you want me to go with you tomorrow?"   
Sean nodded. "Yes please," he said, his voice cracking.  
Aaron stepped forward and embraced him.  
"It's gonna be okay," he whispered.  
"Aaron I'm so scared," Sean cried.  
Aaron wanted to tell him not to be scared, that it was probably nothing, but the reality was he was also terrified.  
Aaron held Sean tight and the two men stood in the kitchen hugging and crying.

Aaron woke up and was surprised to see Sean still in bed laying beside him.  
He looked at the clock and saw it was 8:45am.   
Sean's appointment was at 10:30am so they needed to leave in a little over an hour.  
Aaron decided to let Sean sleep awhile longer. He certainly needed it. Aaron got up and started to get ready.  
He wondered if he should text Cameron to let him know what's going on.  
If he did Cameron would probably call though and he didn't want to deal with that.   
It could be nice to have someone to talk to though. It's not like he could call his family about this or anything really.  
Aaron finished getting dressed and then realized he should probably wake Sean up.  
He walked over to him and gently shook his shoulder.   
"Sean you need to get up," he said softly.  
Sean groaned. "What time is it?" he asked.  
"It's 9:15 and we need to leave by like 9:50 to make sure we get to your appointment on time."  
Sean rolled into a seating position, still covered with the blankets.  
"I used to get up at 5am no problem and now I'm struggling to get up at 9. I hate feeling this way Aaron," Sean said sounding defeated.  
"Well you're doing the right thing by going to the doctor today," Aaron said trying to sound positive. "They're gonna get you better."  
Sean looked like he wanted to say something, but decided not to.  
Aaron knew Sean probably didn't like him saying everything would be fine, but he really didn't know what else to do right now.   
He was really scared of what they would find out today.

Ths car ride to the hospital felt very long. Aaron was extremely nervous and he could tell Sean was as well.   
He held Sean's hand the whole way into the hospital all the way until Sean had to go to the front desk to check in.  
Everything seemed to go by in a blur.  
The nurses and doctor asking Sean a million questions and then applying the anesthetic cream to his hip so he wouldn't feel too much pain.  
And then suddenly Aaron was having to go wait in the waiting room. He wanted to stay with Sean and make sure he was okay. He just wanted to hug him and never let go.  
The two hadn't really talked about what happens after this.   
Aaron was just hoping everything would come back normal, but he knew that probably wouldn't be the case.   
He wanted to have that discussion with Sean, but he wasn't really sure how.  
He could tell Sean was scared and Aaron knew he could lose his temper when overwhelmed.   
The last thing that needed to happen was a fight because Aaron pushed him too much.  
Aaron felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see a nurse.  
"Excuse me sir," she said politely, "Your husband is all done and ready to see you."  
Aaron thanked her and quickly walked into Sean's room.  
"How are you?" he asked.  
"That hurt like a bitch," Sean said with a smirk.  
Aaron laughed. "Well you seem to be in a better mood at least."  
"Hell yeah I am," Sean said. "I just survived a big ass needle going into my hip."  
Aaron shook his head. "You're ridiculous," he joked.   
The doctor came back in the room. "Alright Sean," he began, "You are good to go home whenever you feel ready to get up. We'll hopefully have your results by the end of the week, but if not they should be in early next week. I'll give you a call once they're in and then we'll set up a time, hopefully that day, for us to discuss them. Do you have any questions?"  
"No I don't believe so," Sean said.  
"Alright well give me a call if you're having any bad pain or start running a fever. You did great today, I'll see you again once we get those results in. Have a great rest of your day."  
"Thank you, you too," Sean responded.

Aaron and Sean were both much less anxious on the way home.   
When they got back in the house Aaron set Sean up on the couch and started to make them lunch.  
When he walked back in the living room to give Sean his food he found him asleep with Beau laying across him.  
It was an adorable image, but Aaron wished it were under better circumstances.  
He knew Sean would never be napping if he wasn't sick. 

It wasn't until about 2pm that Sean woke back up.  
"Good morning sleepy head," Aaron joked.  
"Did I fall asleep again?" Sean asked sounding discouraged.   
"Yeah it's alright, you could use the sleep," Aaron said.  
"I feel like all I've been doing lately is sleeping and I'm still always tired," Sean grumbled.  
Sean looked at Aaron seriously. "We haven't talked about what happens next," he mumbled.  
"I wasn't sure if you wanted to," Aaron said cautiously.  
"I don't," Sean began. "But I know you do and we probably should."  
Aaron could already feel himself getting upset, but he said, "I think we both know what this could be."  
Sean sighed. "Yeah I know they say not to look stuff up online, but I had to know."  
He paused before saying, "Look Aaron, I don't even know what we do if it's... cancer, but I don't want you thinking you have to put your life on hold to take care of me."  
"Sean please don't think of it that way," Aaron said with tears in his eyes. "You're my husband and I want to take care of you. I'm gonna be by your side through all of this."  
"Thank you," Sean said, eyes also filled with tears.  
"Hey I love you," Aaron said and gave Sean a kiss.  
"I love you too."


	4. Chapter 4

"It's cancer."  
Those words kept echoing in Aaron's head as he placed around the parking lot.   
He knew it was a possibility, and he'd tried to prepare himself. But nothing could prepare him for this fear he felt.  
Now he was waiting for the doctors to run more tests on Sean to see how much the cancer had spread.   
He definitely hadn't handled this well.  
He was so shocked he couldn't even say anything, but he should've been supportive and strong for Sean.  
Aaron walked back in so he could see Sean as soon as the tests were done. It wasn't long before he was called back.

He saw Sean laying on the bed looking absolutely miserable.  
"Are you okay?" Aaron asked him. It was a stupid question; of course he wasn't okay, but Aaron felt like he had to ask  
"I just want to go home," Sean said while covering his face with his hands.  
Aaron grabbed his hand. "I know, we're gonna go home as soon as the doctor says it's okay."  
Just then the doctor walked in. "Good morning gentlemen," he said. "Now I know it's been a rough day for you both, but now that you've had some time to process this news I'd like to give you more information on what we do now."  
The doctor continued, "So Sean what you have is called acute myeloid leukemia or AML. It's a cancer of your bone marrow and blood and if we don't treat it it will kill you in a matter of months. However, we do have treatments. So the way treatment works is we start with the induction phase. You'll be receiving high dosages of chemotherapy for about a week. After that we will see how you are responding to treatment and reevaluate."  
"So what happens after the week of chemotherapy?" Aaron asked.  
"Well if he is responding well we will move to the consolidation phase. For this phase we would give chemotherapy in cycles with rest periods in between them. And Sean you will need to stay in the hospital while you're receiving the chemotherapy. Unfortunately the drugs destroy not only the leukemia cells, but also normal cells which will mess up your blood counts so we will need to be monitoring you."  
The doctor paused for a moment and then said, "Look, I know it's a lot of information to take in. Why don't you two go home and discuss this and then we can set up the dates for the induction phase."  
"Yes that sounds good," Sean said. "Thank you."  
"Yes thank you," Aaron echoed.   
"Of course, I am truly sorry you two have to go through this."

Aaron and Sean got checked out and Aaron drove them back home.   
Sean was silent and Aaron didn't know what to say to him.  
He felt awful. He should be strong and supportive, but he didn't feel like he could talk about it without falling apart.  
When they arrived home and got out of the car Aaron pulled Sean into a hug and held him tightly.  
"I'm so sorry," he cried.  
"Babe why are you sorry?" Sean asked.  
"Because you shouldn't have to go through this. And I should be helping you, but instead I just don't even know what to say because I want to make it all better and I can't," Aaron sobbed.  
"Aaron stop," Sean said. "You just being here makes this whole thing easier. And you are allowed to cry and be upset. This is hard on you too."  
Aaron wiped his eyes and smiled at Sean, "How are you handling this so much better than me?" he asked.  
Sean shook his head. "Trust me I'm not. It just hasn't sank in yet."  
"Does your family know anything?" Aaron asked.  
"No," Sean sighed. "And I really don't feel like having that conversation."  
Aaron kissed Sean's head. "Go take a nap," he said. "It's been a rough morning. We can figure things out later."

A few hours later Sean woke up and walked into the living room to find Aaron on the couch with the dog.  
Sean walked over to him and layed down, putting his head on Aaron's lap.  
"How are you doing?" Aaron asked.  
"Okay," Sean replied, but Aaron could tell he was lying.  
"Can we talk about a plan for treatment?" Aaron asked, hoping Sean would be willing.  
"I don't want to right now," Sean mumbled.  
Aaron sighed. "We need to make a plan Sean. The doctor said we need to start right away."  
"I don't want to think about it right now," Sean snapped.  
Aaron sighed. He knew it would do no good to push. "Okay," he said.  
"Look I'm sorry," Sean said, "But this is going to be horrible. I'm going to get so sick when I start treatments and I just don't want that."  
"I know it's hard Sean but," Aaron began.  
Sean cut him off. "Just stop please. I've been thinking for weeks now about how bad this could be and how sick I might get and now those thoughts are turning into reality and I just... I'm scared okay?"  
"I am too," Aaron said somberly. "And I'm so sorry you have to go through this. But you're so strong and you're gonna beat this."  
"I'm not as strong as you think," Sean said; he was crying at this point. "I don't even know how I'm supposed to tell my family."  
"Sean you know I'll help you with that. You don't have to do any of this alone," Aaron said compassionately.  
Sean cuddled up to Aaron and the two remained silent for a moment.  
"Can we make a plan now?" Sean asked after awhile.  
"Of course," Aaron replied and gave him a kiss on the head.


	5. Chapter 5

The first day of treatment had finally arrived. Aaron was dreading this and he couldn't even imagine how Sean must be feeling.   
After Sean called his family, his parents and sister all offered to fly down to be with him, but Sean had told them not to do that - that he'd be fine.  
Aaron knew that was a lie though and in reality he was just too emotionally drained for them to be here.   
Aaron checked his phone and saw it was time for the two of them to get up so they'd make it to the hospital on time.   
He shook Sean awake. "Come on we've gotta get ready," he said.  
Sean rolled over towards him. "I don't want to," he mumbled.  
"I don't either, but we have to," Aaron said.  
Sean grabbed Aaron, pulled him towards himself, and wrapped his arms around him.  
"There now you can't get up, you have to cuddle with me," he said.  
Aaron laughed. "You're ridiculous," he said, but didn't try to resist the cuddling.   
"I'm scared," Sean said seriously.  
"Me too," Aaron replied. "But we're gonna get through this."  
"Do we have to get up now?" Sean asked.  
"If you can get ready fast I'll give us 5 more minutes to cuddle," Aaron replied with a smile.  
"Deal," Sean agreed.

The whole morning went by in a blur and the next thing Aaron knew he was watching lots of chemicals be injected into his husband.   
It scared the living hell out of him, but he knew it was the only way to make Sean better.  
"How do you feel?" he asked.  
Sean smirked and said, "So far so good."

Everything was good until later that night when Sean could not stop throwing up.  
"God, Aaron I'm so sorry," he mumbled.  
Aaron just rubbed his back and said, "It's alright I'm right here."

The next day was when things started turning for the worst.   
Sean was already exhausted after a long night with little sleep, and now he was being sent off to chemo at 9am.  
Aaron went down with him of course, but Sean slept through nearly the whole process.   
Getting back to the room wasn't much better, as by then Sean was nauseous and in pain.   
He looked awful too. Aaron was not prepared to see him get this sick.  
He was used to Sean being big and strong, but now, despite still being 6 inches taller than Aaron, he looked so small and fragile.  
"How are you doing?" Aaron asked.  
"I'm alright," Sean said weakly.  
"You don't sound alright," Aaron said back.  
"I mean I feel like shit, but I'll be okay," Sean mumbled.   
"Can I do anything to help?" Aaron questioned.  
"No I'll probably just go to sleep soon as that seems to be all I do lately. Are you going home tonight to feed Beau?" Sean asked.  
"I mean I can ask Cameron to do it if you want me to stay here," Aaron replied.  
"Don't worry about me," Sean told him. "You should go. You've been here almost two days straight."  
"I don't want you to be alone though," Aaron said.  
Sean smiled. "You're sweet. I'm telling you I'll be okay though. You should go home for the night and not have to sleep in the chair."  
"I don't mind it," Aaron responded.  
"You're gonna hurt your back," Sean said sternly.  
"I'll be okay. I don't want to sleep in our bed without you there," Aaron muttered.  
"You have before though like if I'm gone for work," Sean replied.  
"That's different though," Aaron argued. "I need to be here with you."  
Aaron paused and then said shakily, "If something happened and I weren't here,"  
Sean cut him off. "No. We're not gonna think that way. I don't want you worrying about that stuff. I think I'm worrying enough for the both of us."  
Aaron looked at him intently. "Are you really worrying a lot?"  
Sean looked away. "No, I mean just some."  
"Be honest," Aaron demanded.  
"Look, I don't want to talk about it and worry you," Sean replied.  
Aaron sighed. "Sean I'm already worried. Please just talk to me and don't hold it all inside."  
Sean took a deep breath. "I just feel so shitty," he said, his voice shaking. "And like I don't know it just scares me cause what if the treatment doesn't work?"  
"It will Sean," Aaron began.  
"Stop. You don't know that. We have to face the reality that it might not," Sean said firmly.  
"I don't want to think about that right now. We won't know if it's working until after this first round of treatment is done so let's just wait until we know more to think that way," Aaron said, trying to speak as calm as he could while being upset.  
"Aaron I know you don't want to think about it, but I have to be prepared for the worst. I tried to deny something was wrong when I first started getting sick and that didn't do me any good," Sean told him.  
"I can't think about this Sean. I can not handle the idea of losing you. We've only been married two years and we still have so much to do and I love you and want to start a family with you and,"  
"Wait what did you say?" Sean interrupted. "I thought you didn't want kids."  
"Well I didn't," Aaron answered. "But this whole thing has made me realize how much I love you and I know that's something you've always wanted and I want that for us too."  
Sean smiled. "You have no idea how happy that makes me."  
"It's all gonna work out Sean I promise," Aaron said.  
"Yeah," Sean said uncertainly. "Now please at least go home to take care of Beau."  
"Okay fine," Aaron agreed, "but I'm coming back as soon as I'm done."

Aaron opened the door and was immediately greeted by Beau.  
"Hi boy," he said.  
It felt good to see his dog and be in his house again.  
It was only the end of day 2, but it felt like he'd been in that hospital for forever.   
He decided while he was home he'd call Cameron; he needed someone's support and there weren't too many people who would give him that.   
He pulled his phone out and called.  
"Aaron?" a voice said on the other line.  
"Hey Cameron," Aaron replied.  
"Oh my God dude are you okay? I heard Sean is in the hospital," Cameron said with concern.  
"I don't even know man. I feel like I'm falling apart but I've gotta stay strong for Sean and... I'm sorry I just needed to talk to someone," Aaron rambled.  
"Hey don't apologize," Cameron said sincerely. "How is he doing?"  
"Not great," Aaron sounded defeated. "I mean I'm sure the treatment is helping but it's making him so sick. And I hate seeing him suffering and not being able to do anything."  
"Yeah I'm sure that's really tough for both of you," Cameron said. "Are you there now?"  
"No I came home to take care of Beau. Sean said I should stay the night here but I'll probably go back soon," Aaron answered.  
"Well let me know if you need anything. I can even come over tonight if you don't want to be alone," Cameron suggested.  
"Thank you," Aaron said. "I'll be okay for tonight but someday we can meet up. So far Sean's been sleeping most of the day so I get kind of bored."  
"Alright just let me know," Cameron said. "And keep me posted the best you can. I really hope things turn out alright."  
"Me too," Aaron agreed. "I'll talk to you later alright?"  
"Yeah, sure. Good night," Cameron said and they ended the call.  
Aaron sat down and the couch and Beau jumped up beside him.   
He cuddled with the dog and thought about how just a few weeks ago everything was fine.  
Now things seemed so uncertain and scary.  
Aaron's thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing.  
It was Sean.  
"Shit," he thought. Was something wrong?  
"Hello," he answered.  
"Aaron can you please come back now?" Sean asked, his voice cracking as he spoke.  
"Of course," Aaron replied frantically. "What's wrong baby?"  
There was a pause before Sean said, "My hair is falling out."  
Aaron's heart dropped. He knew this would upset Sean a lot. "I'll be right there," he said and immediately left for the hospital.


	6. Chapter 6

Aaron rushed back to the hospital and into Sean's room  
"Baby are you okay?" he asked, cupping Sean's face in his hands.  
"No. I'm just so sick of this. It's only my second day of treatment and I don't want to keep feeling this sick," Sean said with exasperation.  
Aaron kissed his head and held him close. "I'm so sorry. I wish I could make it all better."  
"I want to go home," Sean said softly.  
"It won't be too much longer til you can," Aaron reassured him.  
"I want to go now. I don't want to get more chemo in the morning. I already feel terrible," Sean moaned.  
"I know and I'm so sorry, but right now you need to get some sleep and hopefully tomorrow will be better," Aaron said.  
Sean sighed. "I know. And I'm sorry I called you back here. You deserve some time at home."  
"Hey stop apologizing. I want to be here with you. Now go to sleep please. I know it'll help you feel better," Aaron demanded.

The next few days were extremely rough, but thankfully it was finally the last day of Sean's initial treatment.   
Aaron was thankful for that since Sean looked extremely sick.  
Surprisingly Aaron noticed Sean was talking up. He usually slept until it was time for him to go get his chemo or a blood transfusion or whatever else was needing done.  
"Hey, how do you feel?" Aaron asked.  
"Hey, like shit," Sean replied weakly.  
"It's the last day though so that's exciting," Aaron said.  
"And terrifying," Sean muttered.  
"We'll get good news. You'll get to go home soon," Aaron tried to reassure him.  
"I hope so cause I'm not doing this again. I can't," Sean said.  
Aaron just nodded. He didn't want to think this way, but if the induction phase didn't kill the leukemia cells like it was supposed to he wasn't going to fight Sean on going through it again.  
Of course he would want him to, but it wouldn't be right to ask him to when Aaron can see how sick he is.  
"How much longer do I have til chemo?" Sean asked.  
Aaron checked his watch. "About two hours," he replied. "So you can go back to sleep if you want."  
"I don't want to I sleep all the time," Sean grumbled. "How shitty do I look?"  
"What?" Aaron asked, caught off guard.  
"I feel like shit so I want to know if I look like shit," he said.  
"You don't look like shit," Aaron began, "you just look..." He paused for a second.  
"Sick," Sean finished for him.  
"I know you don't like me to say it," Aaron said softly.  
"Well I am," Sean said bitterly. "I always hoped it'd be quick when I died. Not drawn out and miserable like this."  
"Well you're not dying," Aaron said. "After today you'll start getting better."  
"Stop saying that. You don't know if it's true," Sean said.  
"Well stop saying you're going to die," Aaron snapped back. "You don't know that."  
"You don't know how I feel," Sean argued.  
"No I don't know how you feel," Aaron replied. "But you don't know how I feel either. You are literally the only person I have so I don't even want to think about losing you."  
"That's not true," Sean said.  
"No it is true," Aaron said. "My family doesn't even care about me enough to show up to my wedding and yeah I have friends but they're not you."  
Sean took a deep breath. "Okay so the family thing is partly on me," he said.  
"What do you mean?" Aaron asked.  
"Don't be pissed, but when you told me to send the invitations I didn't send theirs," Sean said quietly.  
"What? Are you serious?" Aaron asked angrily.  
"Hey don't get mad. I'm sick remember. They were just being so awful to you when you told them we got engaged and you were so upset that I thought you wouldn't even want them there and then they didn't show up and you were so upset and I didn't want you to get pissed at me but now I feel like you won't get pissed at me cause I look pitiful and also this chemo is clouding my sense of judgment and, God I've been rambling. Please tell me you're not mad at me," Sean begged.  
Aaron blinked a few times and tried to form his thoughts. There was a lot going through his mind right now.  
"So I basically ended my relationship with them over something that turns out to actually be my fault," he said.  
"Now that is not true Aaron," Sean said sternly. "They were never accepting of you or me."  
"But they could've came. And that would've been the turning point I always dreamed of and things could've been okay," Aaron said, more to himself than to Sean.  
"They wouldn't have though. Or they would have come and caused trouble and I knew that would upset you," Sean said, trying to plead his case.  
"But you don't know that," Aaron shouted. "And now I never will."  
"Please don't be mad at me Aaron," Sean pleaded. "I knew I shouldn't have told you. I just can't even think straight. I'm on so many fucking medications and I feel awful and I can't have you mad at me right now."  
"No, stop," Aaron said. "Don't use your illness to get out of this. You did this long before you were sick and do not make me feel guilty for being upset about it."  
"You can be upset that's not what I'm trying to say. Just please don't be mad right now. I don't have the energy to fight and I don't want you to leave cause you're pissed,"  
"I'm not gonna leave," Aaron interrupted. "I am pissed, but you're still my husband and I still love you and we're gonna discuss this in about a week or so when you're feeling better."  
Sean seemed to be thinking of what to say, but ended up just nodding and falling back asleep.  
Aaron didn't even know what to do with this information.   
He didn't exactly want to reach out to his family, but he couldn't help but feel responsible for the fallout now.  
He just hoped they'd get some good news from the doctor soon so they could go home.  
He needed everything to go back to normal because he couldn't handle all this stress much longer.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been a long, boring week at the hospital. The first round of chemo was done, but Sean was too sick to go home. He was looking a lot better since the chemo stopped though. He had another bone marrow biopsy done last night and if the results were good he could possibly go home by the weekend.  
"How do you feel today?" Aaron asked for what felt like the millionth time.  
"Better," Sean replied.  
"You look a lot better," Aaron agreed.  
"Well I don't know if that's true," Sean chuckled. "My hair is basically all gone and I'm just skin and bones at this point."  
"Well I'm just glad you feel better," Aaron said. "I really hope we get good news so you can go home."  
Sean nodded. "I hope so too. I've been here way too long. And I want to see Beau."  
Aaron smiled. "He'll be excited to see you. I bet you'll be able to get out of here this weekend."  
"Don't get my hopes up," Sean said. "But I think I might be able to too."

They were correct.  
The doctor came in the next day and said Sean had responded to the treatment and his blood counts were looking good so he'd be able to go home.  
Sean was absolutely thrilled to hear that.   
Aaron hadn't seen him that happy since before he was sick.   
Now Aaron was making sure they had everything they needed so they could get the hell out of here.  
"Hurry up," Sean said anxiously. "I'm ready to go."  
"Well you're gonna have to be patient because we have to talk to the doctor before we can leave," Aaron said. "We'll get home soon enough."  
"Why do we need to talk to the doctor?" Sean whined. "I'm so ready to get out of here."  
"I know baby," Aaron said, "But we have to set up your next chemo appointment and I need to make sure I know what the hell I'm doing in case there's an emergency."  
"I'll be fine. You don't need to worry about that," Sean said.  
"Well I'm your husband so of course I'm going to worry," Aaron replied.  
The doctor walked in at that moment.  
"Good morning gentlemen," he said. "Sean I presume you're ready to get out of here?"  
"Yes," Sean said enthusiastically. "You've all been great, but I miss my home."  
"Well that's understandable," the doctor said sympathetically. "I'll make this quick. I just want to educate you on what comes next. So far your numbers are looking promising. The leukemia cells have been destroyed which is what we want. Now your normal cells were also harmed by the chemotherapy which is why you were so sick and had to stay in the hospital. Now that we've stopped the chemotherapy your blood counts will continue to return to normal and you'll keep feeling better. So for the next steps we're going to do some more bone marrow biopsies over the next few weeks. We want to make sure those numbers keep looking good. If that's the case then we'll enter the consolidation phase. Any questions so far?"  
"How much more chemo am I going to have to get?" Sean asked.   
"We want to make sure the leukemia is destroyed completely so you will have to get more chemotherapy. If we stopped the treatment now there's a very good chance the leukemia would return within several months. Since you are young and don't have other health problems we can continue with high doses of chemotherapy."  
"But am I going to get super sick again if we do that?" Sean asked.  
"The side effects will likely be the same and you would need to stay in the hospital while receiving the chemotherapy," the doctor explained. "It would be over a course of 5 days every 4 weeks and we would do 3-4 cycles."  
"Would we be done after that then?" Aaron asked.  
"If the leukemia does not come back during the consolidation therapy then yes. You would still need to see me every month for awhile and then less frequently as time goes on just to make sure everything is okay and the leukemia hasn't came back," he explained.  
"Could it come back?" Aaron asked.  
"A relapse can occur. There is the option of a stem cell transplant during consolidation therapy that would lower the risk of a relapse, however there are risks to the stem cell transplant as well," the doctor said. "You will have time to discuss this and figure out what you think the best option is for you. I will give you education resources before you go home as well that you can review. I know this is a lot of information and you're probably ready to get home so why don't I give you those resources so you can get out of here and you can call me if you have any questions."  
Sean nodded. "That would be great."

All the medical business got taken care of and Aaron and Sean were finally leaving the hospital. The nurses recommended Sean be pushed out in a wheelchair, but he was stubborn and insisted on walking. He held onto Aaron's hand and smiled the whole way out. When they got to the car he gave Aaron a kiss.   
"I'm so excited to go back home," he said.  
"I'm glad you're excited. I am too," Aaron said with a smile.   
Sean had a big smile on his face the whole way home. It made Aaron so incredibly happy to see his husband this excited. The past few weeks had been so rough especially when Sean was receiving the chemo and was extremely sick and tired. It was nice for Aaron to see some life in his eyes again.

They reached the house and Aaron helped Sean get inside.  
"Where's Beau?" Sean asked.  
"He's in his cage," Aaron replied. "You need to sit down before I let him out. I don't want him jumping on you, he's gonna be really excited to see you."  
Sean rolled his eyes. "I'll be fine," he said.  
"Yeah, but I'm still gonna worry cause that's what I do as your husband," Aaron replied.  
"Okay fine," Sean said and sat down. "Will you let him out now?"  
"Yes I will, thank you for sitting down," Aaron said with a smirk.  
He went to Beau's crate and opened the door.  
"Your dad is back home," he told the dog. "Go and see him."  
Beau ran out to the living room and saw Sean and immediately starting wagging his tail. He jumped on Sean's lap and started licking his face.  
"Hi boy," Sean said laughing. "I missed you so much. I was gone so long."  
Aaron smiled at the sight. He knew they still had a long way to go before everything was back to normal, but this was a good start.


	8. Chapter 8

For the first time in weeks Aaron woke up in his own bed with his husband beside him. Sean was already awake too which also was rare lately. Usually Aaron would wake up long before him.  
"Good morning," Sean said with a smile.  
"Good morning," Aaron said and gave him a kiss. "How are you feeling?"  
"Alright," Sean replied. "Are you gonna ask me that every day even now that we're home?" he teased.  
"Yes," Aaron responded. "I'm still gonna worry cause I love you and I know you won't tell me if you're not feeling well."  
"I love you too. And you're right I wouldn't," Sean said. He paused and then continued, "I hate to ruin the moment, but should we talk now?"  
Aaron sighed. "We don't have to yet if you don't want to. It's your first day back home."  
"I know," Sean said. "But I think we need to. I don't want you pissed at me."  
"I'm not pissed at you," Aaron said. "I just can't stop wondering what would've happened if they had been invited."   
"I get that. And I definitely shouldn't have done what I did. I was just so worried they'd say something horrible to you that I thought it would be better if you just thought they didn't come," Sean explained. "I realize now how stupid that was and I get why you wish you knew what they would do."  
Aaron rolled over on his back and looked up at the ceiling. "I know deep down you're probably right and they wouldn't have came," he said. "But I just still have this hope they could finally accept me." He paused. "I know it won't happen though."  
"Maybe you should call them," Sean suggested.  
"What would I even say?" Aaron asked.  
Sean took a deep breath. "Look only do this if you want to and think you can handle it cause you've already got so much on your plate right now, but maybe you could tell them what happened and see how they react."  
Aaron turned to face Sean. "What if it's just the same old bullshit though?" he asked, his eyes filling up with tears. "What if they just tell me all over again about how this lifestyle is wrong and I shouldn't be with you?"  
Sean wiped away Aaron's tears. "It's up to you if you want to take that chance. Just know I'm here for you either way."  
Aaron didn't say anything. He just wrapped his arms around Sean and buried his face into Sean's chest. Sean stroked his hair and Aaron knew he'd be okay as long as he had Sean. Unfortunately that wasn't even a certainty anymore.

Later that afternoon Aaron decided to call his parents. He knew it was probably a bad idea but he also knew that if he didn't he would never stop wondering what would've happened if he did.  
The phone rang and he could feel himself getting more and more anxious. Finally someone answered.  
"Hello?" the voice said.  
Aaron suddenly lost all ability to speak. He had no idea what to say and was beginning to think this was a mistake.  
"Hello? Who is this?" the man asked impatient.  
"D-dad?" Aaron's voice cracked as he spoke. "This is your son Aaron."  
There was silence on the other end.  
Finally his dad said, "What are you calling for Aaron?"  
Aaron took a deep breath and said, "I just wanted to tell you that I just found out you weren't invited to my wedding and I'm sorry. That was not my intention and I feel like it has caused a lot of trouble between us."  
There was silence again for a moment and then his dad said, "Well that's not what caused the trouble for me. I was ready to have nothing to do with you long before you were even engaged to that man, but I'll tell your mother and see if she cares."  
Aaron's heart sank. He figured this would be the response he got, but he was still hopeful things could work out.  
"Fine, get her on the phone now. I'd like to talk to her," Aaron said.  
"Fine," his father replied.  
After a short pause, his mother spoke.   
"Hello," she said.  
"Did dad tell you why I'm calling?" Aaron asked.  
"No he didn't say anything," his mother replied.  
"Well I just wanted to tell you it was a mistake that you weren't invited to the wedding. I wanted you guys to be there and I'm sorry you didn't get your invitations," Aaron told her.  
His mother sighed. "Aaron you know we couldn't have came anyway. The whole thing goes against our beliefs. Why are you even bringing this up two years after the fact?"  
"Because I was hoping to fix things," Aaron said angrily. "Sean is sick and it would be nice if I had some family to turn to."  
"I don't know what you want me to say," his mother said. "You shouldn't be with him. You're still young; you can go and find yourself a nice girl and then we will support you."  
Before Aaron could say anything Sean walked in the room.  
"Hang up," he demanded.  
Aaron stood there frozen, not knowing what to do.  
Sean grabbed the phone from him and hung up.  
"I'm sorry," Sean said. "I shouldn't have been listening in, but I know how they treat you and I'm not gonna let them talk to you like that."  
"I shouldn't have called," Aaron said, his voice barely a whisper.  
"Come here," Sean said and pulled him in for a hug. "I shouldn't have encouraged it. I knew it probably wouldn't end well."  
"How can they say those things to me?" Aaron asked, his voice cracking as he spoke.  
"I don't know baby," Sean said and stroked his hair. "You don't deserve to be treated that way." Sean pulled away from the hug and looked Aaron in the eye.   
"Listen to me," he said. "Never believe anything bad they've said to you is true. Because you are the most amazing man in the world and if they can't see that that's their problem. Okay?"  
Aaron nodded. "I love you so much Sean," he said.  
Sean hugged him again. "I love you too. And I promise I'm gonna get better for you and we're gonna have such a good life ahead of us."


	9. Chapter 9

When Aaron woke up the next morning he was too mentally exhausted to want to get out of bed. He rolled over and saw Sean still asleep next to him.  
He smiled at the fact that they were in the same bed again. Even if everything wasn't normal it was nice to not be in the hospital anymore.  
Sean woke up after a few minutes.   
"Hey," he said softly. "Are you okay after last night?"  
Aaron forced a smile. "I'll be fine," he said.  
"Come here," Sean said and put his arm around Aaron. "I'm sorry that happened."  
"It doesn't surprise me that it did," Aaron said sadly. "But I don't want to talk about it anymore."  
Sean frowned, but nodded his head in agreement.  
After some silence, Sean spoke up. "We should go to one of the nature parks today. It's so nice and we could take Beau. I'm sick of being indoors."  
"I don't know if it's a good idea for you to be around all those people," Aaron said. "The doctor said if you get any type of illness it could cause major problems."  
"It'll be fine," Sean said. "We don't have to go near people. I just want to have a good day with you."  
"Okay fine," Aaron agreed. "But we have to be careful."  
"Thank you. And I promise to be careful," Sean said and gave his husband a kiss.

They arrived at one of the nature parks near their house and got out of the car with Beau.  
"It's so nice to not be stuck inside," Sean said.  
"I agree," Aaron replied. "I love this weather too. I'm so glad it's almost fall."  
"We have to enjoy this before I'm stuck in the hospital again," Sean said sadly.  
"Don't think about that," Aaron said. "You've still got like 2 more weeks and hopefully you won't have to stay as long this next time."  
"You've gotta go home more next time and take Beau outside," Sean told him. "I don't want him to get lonely."  
"I don't want you to be alone either though," Aaron said.  
"I'll be okay," Sean said. "You know I will."   
The two sat down and watched their dog run around the park for awhile.  
It was a very nice day and even though it made Aaron nervous for Sean to be around any germs, he was glad they came.

They stayed for awhile, but finally decided to head back home.  
Aaron opened the door for Sean and they walked back in the house with Beau trailing behind them.  
Aaron shut the door and when he turned around Sean pulled him in for a kiss.  
"Thank you for today," he said. "I've missed just getting to do normal things like that."  
"I know," Aaron said. "I mean I know I can't totally relate, but I do miss things being normal."  
Sean kissed him again. "Come on, let's go back to our room," he said, motioning his head to the hall.  
They walked back and Sean grabbed Aaron's hand.  
"Can we...?" he asked gesturing to the bed.  
Aaron knew what he meant right away. It had been awhile so he wanted to immediately say yes, but he also knew Sean had had a long day and he didn't want him to overdo it.  
"Are you sure?" Aaron asked. "We've had a busy day. I only want to if you feel up to it."  
"Yes I do," Sean said and kissed him passionately.  
Aaron kissed him back, feeling exhilarated by the way Sean took control. He removed his shirt and pushed Sean down on the bed.  
Sean began removing his clothes, as Aaron started to take off his pants.  
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Aaron asked again.  
"I'm sure," Sean said.  
Aaron grinned and started kissing Sean's neck. He made his way down his abdomen and went all the way down until he reached his dick. He put his mouth around it and began to suck.  
It was something he'd done many times, but this was the first time he and Sean had done anything since Sean got sick.  
Now, Aaron was nervous and felt he had to be careful. But he also felt he needed to perform extra well to make sure everything went perfectly.   
It didn't take long for him to realize things weren't the same. He could tell pretty quickly Sean was not getting hard and wasn't seeming to get into it.  
"Should we stop?" Aaron asked.  
"I'm really sorry," Sean said. "My mind wants to, but my body doesn't seem to be on the same page."  
"It's alright," Aaron said, trying not to sound disappointed. He knew it wasn't Sean's fault, but it was still hard to not be able to have that passion right now.  
"No it's not alright because this should've went well and I can tell you're disappointed," Sean said sounding frustrated.  
"Baby it's fine. I know you're tired, that's why I kept asking if you wanted to do it. I didn't want you to overdo it," Aaron said.  
"It's not fair to you though," Sean said quietly. "You didn't sign up for this when you married me."  
Aaron sighed. "Sean I've told you before, when we got married we agreed to stay with each other through sickness and health. We both agreed to stay with each other through everything. And you've taken care of me through a lot, so let me take care of you now."  
"I just never pictured myself as the weak one," Sean said.  
Aaron gave him a look.  
"Well shit I didn't mean it like that," Sean said quickly, "Definitely not the right word to use. I just mean I've always felt like I loved taking care of you. Cause you were kinda broken when we met and I wanted so badly for you to realize how amazing you are and I always loved talking to you and helping you and..."  
"Sean," Aaron interrupted.  
"What?"  
"You're rambling again," Aaron said and smiled.  
"Oh, sorry," Sean said. "I hope my brain starts working at full capacity again once I'm all done with chemo."  
"It's alright," Aaron said, "I don't mind hearing about how much you love me."  
"Well I do," Sean said and pulled Aaron into his arms. "I still remember our summers when we'd talk every night at the bar and sometimes end back up at my place. And then you'd go to college in the fall and I'd think I'd seen the last if you. But you'd always end up coming back."  
"Of course I came back; I was ridiculously in love with you," Aaron said.  
"You still are," Sean said with a grin.  
Aaron smiled back at him, "Yeah I still am."


	10. Chapter 10

The weeks at home flew by and suddenly it was time to go back to the hospital for the first round of consolidation chemo.  
When the alarm went off that morning Aaron and Sean both groaned.  
"Don't make me go," Sean mumbled.  
"I'm sorry we have to," Aaron said apologetically.  
They got out of bed and started getting ready. Aaron could tell Sean was nervous and he wished he knew how to comfort him better.  
He hated that he was gonna get sick from the chemo again, but it would help in the long term scheme of things.  
"Ready?" Aaron asked.  
"No," Sean replied.  
"Trust me if it wasn't absolutely necessary we wouldn't do it, but we've got to get you better," Aaron said.  
"You're lucky I want to stick around for you," Sean said. "Cause otherwise I would let this shit kill me."

They arrived at the hospital and Sean went through his first chemo session.   
So far he seemed to be doing okay, but Aaron knew that would probably change fast.  
"I'm surprised you're still awake," Aaron told him.  
"Me too," Sean replied. "It's only day one though I'll probably feel a lot worse tomorrow."  
"You've just got 4 more days of chemo though and then hopefully you don't have to stay much longer after that," Aaron said.  
"I just hope this keeps working or it'll all be for nothing," Sean said.  
"So far it has been working so try to stay positive," Aaron told him. "Someday all this mess will be behind us."

That first night went by smoothly, but after that things started to go downhill. Just like last time, Sean felt much sicker after day 2 of chemo.   
He was throwing up, so then of course he didn't want to eat anything.  
Sean never wanted to listen to the doctors and nurses who explained that he needed to eat, so then Aaron had to try to convince him which just led to them arguing.   
Aaron still struggled to know what to do for Sean when he was sick.   
Sometimes it seemed like Sean wanted him there to help, but sometimes it seemed like he just wanted Aaron to leave him alone.  
Right now Aaron was back home taking care of Beau. Sean had told him to just stay the night at home so he didn't have to drive back. Aaron certainly wanted to stay, but he also didn't want to leave Sean alone for a whole night.   
He wished Sean would let his family come so they could get some extra support, but he was too stubborn to let anyone see him sick.  
Aaron decided to call Sean and see if he really was okay to be alone for the night.  
He dialed his number and the phone rang.  
"Hello," Sean said.  
"Hey, are you really okay if I don't come back tonight?" Aaron asked.  
"Yes I'm fine, please get some rest at home," Sean told him.  
"Are you feeling okay though?" Aaron asked. "I don't want you to be alone if you're not."  
"Aaron I'm never feeling well when I'm here. But there's a million doctors and nurses to help me. You need to stay home and get some actual sleep tonight."  
"Okay," Aaron said. "But please call me if you change your mind. And I'll be back tomorrow I promise."  
"Stop worrying I'll be okay," Sean said. "Now get some rest."  
"Okay I will. I love you."  
"I love you too," Sean said and hung up.  
Aaron was relieved to not have to drive back.   
He felt guilty though that Sean wasn't able to leave like he was. At least it was just a few more days and he'd be home for awhile again.

After a long next few days it was time to go home again.  
Sean was still excited of course, but this time he seemed much more worn out.  
"Are you feeling alright?" Aaron asked him on the car ride home.  
"I just need to sleep for awhile," Sean said. "I'll be alright."  
"Just think you get three weeks to be at home now," Aaron said with a grin.  
"Thank God," Sean said. "I hope everything keeps working so we're done with this soon."  
"Me too," Aaron agreed. "We've got a good future ahead of us."  
"Were you for real when you said you wanted to look into adopting?" Sean asked.   
"Yeah I think we should think about it," Aaron replied. "I know it's something you've always wanted to do and I'm beginning to come around on the idea."  
"Well that makes me happy," Sean said. "And thank you for being here for me and giving me reasons to keep fighting. I definitely would've given up by now if it weren't for you."  
"Well thank you for not giving up on me," Aaron said. "Because I have no idea what I'd do without you."

The excitement of arriving home wasn't quite as great as the first time, but it still felt nice to be back.   
"Aaron will you do something for me?" Sean asked.  
"Of course. What do you need?" Aaron replied.   
"Well it's October and I want our fall decorations up, but I'm too tired to deal with pulling them out and putting them up so can you do it for me?"   
"Don't I usually put them up anyway?" Aaron teased.  
"Yes, but I try to help you at least get them out of storage," Sean said.  
"Well you don't have to worry about that this year. I can definitely put them up for you," Aaron told him.  
"Thank you. I love you," Sean said.  
"I love you too," Aaron said and gave him a kiss.


	11. Chapter 11

The days of being home continued on, but Sean still didn't seem his usual self.  
"I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt to go see the doctor and be sure everything is okay," Aaron tried to reason with Sean.  
"No," Sean demanded. "We are not going back until we have to. I'm fine."  
"I don't believe you," Aaron said. "You've been asleep more than you've been awake since we got here."  
"It's just from all the meds," Sean said annoyed.  
"You felt better last time we were home though," Aaron argued.  
"I don't know Aaron. I can't help how I react to all the medication they're giving me. I'm not going back until my next chemo treatment and you aren't going to convince me otherwise."  
"Sean I'm not asking you to stay in the hospital. I don't even want that. I just think we should get you checked out by the doctor to be cautious," Aaron explained. "I'm sure everything is fine but my anxiety won't calm down until I know for sure."  
"Stop worrying so much," Sean snapped. Then softer he said, "I really am okay and I don't want to waste a day of our time at home seeing the doctor."  
"Fine," Aaron agreed. "But I'm keeping a close eye on you and if you start to not feel good we are going."  
"You know if you don't stop worrying so much you'll have gray hair before you're even 30," Sean joked.  
"Well you better still love me anyway cause we both know I'm not gonna stop worrying," Aaron replied.  
"I really am okay," Sean said seriously.  
"Okay," Aaron said. He wished he could believe him.

It turned out Aaron was right to worry because about a week later everything went to shit.  
He could tell Sean still wasn't doing great, but he also knew saying something would only cause another argument. Plus they'd be back at the hospital soon enough so Aaron was trying not to stress too much now.  
That night he went to bed and laid beside Sean who was already asleep, but when he woke up in the middle of the night the space beside him was empty.  
He saw the bathroom light was on so he got up and went in to check on Sean.  
Sean was sitting on the toilet and from the look on his face Aaron could tell something was wrong.  
"What's wrong?" he asked his husband.  
"Nothing," Sean said quietly.  
"Sean...," he began to say, but was cut off when Sean started crying.  
"There's blood in my stool again and I'm worried about what that means," Sean said.  
"Again?" Aaron asked, furrowing his brow.  
"Oh yeah, I never told you when it happened way back before I collapsed at work cause I didn't want you to make me see a doctor," Sean said, his voice slightly trailing off as he spoke.  
"Sean are you okay? You're scaring me," Aaron said, intensity in his voice.  
Sean's awareness seemed to snap back. "No I'm fine," he said. "I'm just scared of what this means."  
Aaron took a deep breath and began to ask, "Can we please...?"  
"No," Sean said quickly.  
Aaron gave him an annoyed look. "You don't even know what I was going to ask."  
Sean looked right back at him. "Yes I do," he said. "We're not going to the hospital."  
Aaron sighed. "How much blood is there?"  
Sean sighed and stood up allowing Aaron to see the significant amount of blood in the toilet.  
"Come on we're going right now, Aaron said firmly.  
Sean stared back at him and crossed his arms. "I told you we're not going."  
Aaron sighed with exasperation. "Sean please just cooperate for once. I'm sorry and I know you don't want to go. I don't want to either. This isn't normal though."  
"I'm not going," Sean said stubbornly.  
"Jesus Christ man can you just listen to me for once," Aaron said tiredly. "I am just trying to help you."  
"You know why I don't want to go?" Sean asked angrily. "Because maybe I don't want to know what's wrong. I don't want them to tell me that after going through all this it didn't even work."  
"Sean..." Aaron said softly and pulled his husband in for a hug. "We don't know that that's what is happening. It might not be a big deal I just want to make sure."  
"I think it is a big deal though," Sean said, wiping away tears. "This happened before when my platelets got low and I had all those bruises and shit. But there's no reason they'd be low now unless the treatment isn't doing what that it should be."  
He had a point. But right now Aaron was focused on the short term problem and just wanted to go to the hospital.  
"Are you bruising bad again?" Aaron asked.  
Sean looked down. "Yes," he said quietly.  
"Can you show me?" Aaron asked, trying to sound as gentle as possible.  
Sean sighed and went to roll up one of his pant legs. The movement of stepping forward and bending made him dizzy and he swayed on his feet some.  
Aaron was quick to grab him and help him recover his balance, and he was also quick to say, "This is why we need to go to the hospital."  
"Why can't we wait til morning?" Sean asked.  
"Because if something happened to you from now until morning I would never forgive myself," Aaron said seriously.  
Sean sighed. "Fine," he said.  
"Thank you," Aaron said and gave him a hug.

They arrived at the hospital and walked into the emergency department.  
Aaron sat Sean down and then went to the desk and talked to the lady up there.  
"I brought my husband in," he started. "He has acute myeloid leukemia and the treatment was going really well but now he's showing the symptoms he had when he first got sick. He's bleeding and bruising bad so we think his platelets are low. He was really dizzy too so I told him we had to come in right away."  
"Okay we're gonna get him back as soon as we can," the lady said.  
Aaron thanked her and sat down with Sean.  
"It won't be long hopefully," Aaron told him. "How do you feel?"  
"Honestly, not great," Sean told him.  
"What's wrong?" Aaron asked.  
"My head just hurts and shit," he said. He paused for a second and then added, "Plus I'm scared."  
Aaron grabbed his hand and put his head on Sean's shoulder. "We'll get through this," he whispered.  
Someone came out and said, "Sean we're ready for you to come back." Then speaking to Aaron she said, "Sir, you'll need to wait in here. We will keep you updated and let you know when you can see him.  
She pushed Sean back and Aaron was left to wait and hope everything was fine.


	12. Chapter 12

Aaron knew something was wrong. He just didn't realize how wrong until he talked to the doctor.   
"So his blood counts are really low," the doctor explained. "We want to move him to the ICU so we can keep a close eye on everything."  
"The ICU?" Aaron asked shocked. "But he seemed fine. I only brought him in cause we figured his platelets were low since he had some bleeding and bruising."  
"Well it's good you brought him in. How was he at home? Did he seem to be aware or was he kind of out of it?" the doctor asked.  
"He was definitely aware," Aaron said. "He told me not to bring him here, but when he got up he was dizzy so I told him we had to come to be safe."  
"Do you know how long he's been having these symptoms?"  
Aaron thought for a minute. "I'm not really sure," he said honestly. "He never seemed to bounce back to his normal self after getting home from the hospital. I just assumed it was from the chemo, but it could've been from the low blood counts. He tries to hide stuff from me cause he knows I worry so the first time I saw the bleeding was last night."  
The doctor nodded. "He may have been having these symptoms for awhile now. As I said, his counts are very low and his level of consciousness seemed to be diminishing. We will give him transfusions and we need to monitor him to make sure he's getting better and not worse. Why don't I take you up to the ICU waiting room and we'll let you know when you can see him."  
"Okay thank you," Aaron said.

After awhile Aaron was allowed to go into the room. Sean looked like absolute shit which scared Aaron a little. He'd seen him look sick, but he just looked really weak right now.  
"Hey," Aaron said. "How are you doing?"  
Sean just shook his head. "I don't know what happened. I feel awful."  
"Well the doctor said your blood counts are low so that's probably why," Aaron said.  
"I'm scared," Sean said. "I don't like being here. And I don't like feeling this bad."  
Aaron grabbed his hand. "I'm sorry," he said. "I should've brought you in sooner. We might've avoided all this."  
"Don't blame yourself," Sean said. "You tried to get me to come last week. I'm the one who was too stubborn to do anything til things got bad. I didn't even want to let you bring me last night."  
"It's good we came in," Aaron said. "I think we both knew something was wrong, but we didn't want to accept it."  
"I'm sorry," Sean said. "I know I told you I'd get better and now I'm a bigger mess than before."  
"Sean it's not your fault," Aaron said sadly. "And don't give up. You can still beat this. I know you can."  
"I'm just so scared," he said with tears in his eyes.  
Aaron hated to see him like this. Throughout this whole process Sean tried to hide his emotions as much as he could so Aaron knew he must feel worse than usual to be this openly emotional.

Unfortunately Aaron was only allowed so much visiting time so Sean could rest.  
Now that he was back in the waiting room he was debating if he should call Sean's family.   
He wasn't sure if it would make him mad or not. When he first got put in the hospital he made it very clear he didn't want anyone making the trip to come see him.  
Now he seemed a lot less angry and a lot more scared though so Aaron decided to call them.  
He dialed his mom's number. He figured if he talked to her she could tell anyone else who she thought needed to know.  
"Hello?" he heard her say.  
"Hi Avery," Aaron said. "I'm calling about Sean."  
"Is he okay?" she asked immediately.  
Aaron bit his lip. "We're at the hospital. His blood counts were really low, well are really low, so he's in the ICU right now so he can be monitored closely. He's stable, but I can tell he's really not feeling good."  
"Should I come down?" she asked.   
Aaron could hear the fear in her voice. He knew it was a long trip for her and if he told her to come it meant he felt things were very serious.  
"Honestly I'm not sure," Aaron sighed. "I know it's a long trip. But I am kind of worried about him so it might not be a bad idea to come and visit him."  
"Does he want me to?" Avery asked.  
"He doesn't even know I'm calling. He's too stubborn to ever ask you to come, but I think he'd really like to see you," Aaron said. He paused before adding, "He told me he's scared."  
"Okay," she said. "I'll be on the next flight down. Hopefully I can get there by tonight. I'll keep you posted."  
"Okay thank you," Aaron said.  
"Aaron thank you," she said. "He's so lucky to have you by his side. I'll see you soon."

A little while later the doctor updated Aaron on what was going on.  
"We ran a bone marrow biopsy," he said, "and there are a lot of leukemia cells and they're overtaking the normal cells causing the low blood counts. The problem is we can't continue to treat the cancer until his blood counts improve because he's too sick to be getting chemo right now. But it's hard to treat the low blood counts when they're being caused by the cancer."  
"So what are we gonna do?" Aaron asked.  
"We'll give more transfusions and get him to a good enough stage where he can get chemo again," the doctor said.  
"So is the cancer back? And do what are we doing different so the chemo works this time? And will we have to do a bone marrow transplant?" Aaron asked, his head full with questions.  
"The cancer was never gone completely," the doctor explained. "We were doing the doses of chemo to kill the remainder of it, but now it has stopped responding to treatment and there are more cancer cells than before. Right now our focus is on raising his blood counts and then we'll figure out a treatment plan."  
"Can I go see him?" Aaron asked.  
"Yes go ahead," the doctor agreed.

Aaron went into Sean's room. One of the nurses was in there doing something and Sean was asleep.   
The nurse turned around and saw Aaron.   
"Sorry, I can come back," Aaron said.  
"No it's alright," she said. "Are you here to visit him?" she asked, motioning to Sean.  
"Yeah I'm his husband," Aaron replied.  
She shook Sean's shoulder to wake him. "Sean someone is here to visit you," she said.  
Sean opened his eyes. He looked so weak, but when he saw Aaron he smiled.  
"Hey," he said.  
"Are you feeling any better?" Aaron asked.  
Sean shook his head. "Not really," he said and paused for a second. "Did they tell you the bone marrow biopsy didn't look good?" he asked.  
"Yeah I talked to the doctor," Aaron said. "Listen don't be mad, but I called your mom and she's coming down."  
"Aaron why would you do that?" Sean asked annoyed.  
"Because," Aaron began, but then stopped. He didn't need to tell Sean how bad he looked and he certainly didn't need to tell him how worried he was.   
Sean knew what he was going to say though. He looked Aaron in the eye and said, "Say it."  
Aaron just looked down. He was not about to get in a fight.  
"Say it Aaron," Sean said raising his voice. "You think I'm going to die. That's why you told her to come down."  
"I don't think you're going to die," Aaron began.  
"Bullshit," Sean interrupted. "That's why you called her. But you should've asked me cause I don't want her to come."  
"Okay I agree I should've asked you," Aaron said. "But why don't you want her to come?"  
"Because it makes it feel real," Sean said quietly.  
"That I'm,"  
"Stop," Aaron interrupted him. "Yes I told her to come because I was scared, but this isn't the end."  
Sean didn't say anything. He just grabbed Aaron's hand and went back to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Sean's mom got there the next day. Thankfully by then he was actually seeming a little better.  
Aaron had greeted her and sent her back and hoped Sean wasn't pissed about it.  
He knew he didn't feel good and was scared about everything, but he could still be a real asshole sometimes.  
Aaron just hoped they could get on the same page about a treatment plan. He knew Sean wanted to get better, but he also knew once he gets feeling sick he has a tendency to get pissed off and just want to give up.  
Sean's mom Avery walked back into the waiting room looking slightly shaken up.  
"Well he was certainly not as happy to see me as I had hoped," she said.  
Aaron shook his head. "Sorry," he said. "He can be a real asshole when he's not feeling good. I think he's just scared right now and doesn't know how to express it so he just gets mad."  
"Has he been treating you okay?" she asked.   
"Yeah he's great when we're home. He just hates coming here, but I can't really blame him," Aaron said.  
"Well I told him he doesn't need to be giving you shit," Avery said. "I understand he doesn't feel good, but you have been doing so much for him and I really do appreciate it. I know it can't be easy."  
"Thank you," Aaron said. "I'm just trying my best to be supportive to him."  
"How are you doing Aaron?" Avery asked.  
Aaron was taken aback. No one ever asked how he was doing. "What?" he asked.  
"How are you doing?" she repeated. "This can't be easy on you."  
"It's not," he said quietly.  
"Come here," she said and pulled him in for a hug. "You don't have to hold it all inside."  
Aaron allowed himself to cry some. He appreciated someone supporting him. He wished his own parents would do it sometimes.

Later that day Sean left the ICU and was moved to a floor that specialized in bone marrow transplants.  
It was a tricky process because he would need a lot of chemo before the transplant, but his body was already worn down and could only tolerate so much. Plus the recovery process was rough and again, he was already worn down which would make it tougher.  
Things were about to get rough, but Sean knew it was the best option to get better so he didn't argue about it.  
Aaron knew he was pissed about having to spend weeks in the hospital though.   
He was going back and forth between being sad and mad and Aaron was honestly just glad Avery was there so she could talk to him too.  
Aaron understood he was scared, but it was still hard to take his outbursts sometimes.  
He was sure it would only get worse when they started chemo again, but they were both willing to do whatever it would take to get Sean better.

That evening Sean asked his mom and Aaron to both come in his room.  
"Alright," he said. "I'm gonna be in here awhile unfortunately, but that does not mean you two have to be."  
"Sean you know," Aaron began to say, but Sean held his hand up stopping him.  
"Let me talk," he said. "I know you don't mind being here, but you've already spent the most of these last few months in a hospital and I'm not going to let you spend the next month or however long I'm in here in one."  
He paused and then said, "Mom, I appreciate you coming, but I don't want you staying here for weeks either. You have a life back home. Once this is all over I promise we will visit you."  
"I want you to stay in touch and keep me updated," Avery told Sean. "You don't have to go through this alone so please let us help. And if you change your mind and want me to stay I'd be more than happy to."  
"I know," Sean said and smiled at her. "I appreciate you coming down. Can I have a minute alone with Aaron now?" he asked.  
"Of course," she said and left the room.  
"I'm sorry," Sean said as soon as she left.  
"Sean why are you sorry?" Aaron asked, confused.  
"Because I told you I'd beat this and I'm doing a shit job at it," he said.  
"I know I've said this like a million times, but it's not your fault," Aaron said. "I'm the one who's sorry cause I'm sorry you have to go through this."  
"Well it's not your fault either," Sean said. "But I'll be honest I'm very scared. And I am sorry for being an asshole earlier cause that was my fault."  
"I won't hold it against you," Aaron said with a smirk. "But I'm sorry you're scared. I am too, but I know it's gotta be harder on you than me."  
"This chemo is supposed to be really strong," Sean stated. "I'm worried what it's gonna do to me."  
"It's gonna help you," Aaron said, trying to stay positive.  
"If it helps it's gonna make things way worse first," Sean muttered.  
Aaron sighed. "I know," he said. "I'm sorry. I wish you didn't have to go through it."  
"I don't wanna die," Sean said, tears starting to spill from his eyes.  
Aaron wiped his tears away. "Don't think that way. And don't cry cause you'll make me cry and I already cried earlier today."  
"Let yourself," Sean said. "This is a mess."  
"I still think we can get through it though," Aaron said, some hope left in his voice.  
"I promise to give it my all," Sean replied.


	14. Chapter 14

"Do it," Sean said.  
"Are you sure?" Aaron asked.  
"Yes, half of it already fell out anyway and this new treatment is making it worse," Sean said.  
Aaron took a deep breath and then brought the razor to Sean's head and shaved what was left of his hair off.   
"Alright, it's done," he said.  
"Thank you," Sean said. "Does it look bad?" he asked nervously.  
Aaron frowned. "It doesn't look bad, but"  
"It makes me look sick," Sean interrupted.  
Aaron just looked down. They both knew things were bad, and he didn't really want to talk about it.  
"I think my sister is coming in a week or so," Sean said, changing the subject. "And then my parents will come before Thanksgiving cause we'll most likely still be in here then."  
"Yeah probably," Aaron said sadly. "Let's hope to be home by Christmas though."  
"I fucking hope so," Sean said. "If all this crap could be over before next year that'd be great. Then we can start fresh for the new year and build our family."  
"I would like that," Aaron said. "You seem to be feeling better."  
"Well I'm glad I'm deceiving you because I feel like shit," Sean said with a laugh. "But I'm hopeful cause it'll be done soon." He took a deep breath and then said, "Look if this doesn't work I'm done. I'm not gonna live the rest of my life feeling terrible because of all the treatments."  
"Yeah I get it," Aaron said quietly.  
"You're not gonna fight me on it?" Sean asked surprised.  
"How can I? I've seen you suffer so much these past few months. I think we're making the right choice to do the bone marrow transplant, but if something goes wrong, and I really hope that doesn't happen, but if it does and you don't want to continue I understand," Aaron told him.  
"I want to get better so badly," Sean said. "But we have to be prepared for if I can't."  
"I wish I would've agreed to have kids earlier," Aaron whispered. "I feel like I didn't give you the life you deserved."  
"That's crazy," Sean said. "Because I love you and I think both of us had different visions for our lives but we found a good compromise and we're happy and that's what matters. I can't imagine a better life and I hope we still have a long journey ahead of us."  
"I love you so much," Aaron said with tears in his eyes.  
"I love you too," Sean said. "Now get out of here for awhile cause it's a nice day and you don't need to be stuck inside."

Aaron walked outside and felt the cool breeze hit him.   
He felt tears building up in his eyes as he thought about the conversation he had just had.  
He quickly blinked them away; he did not want to breakdown right now.  
He texted Cameron to ask if they could meet for a drink. He needed to do something to get everything off his mind.  
Cameron quickly texted back and agreed so Aaron got in his car and drove off. 

"Oh my God I haven't seen you in ages," Cameron exclaimed. "And you do not look great," he said and frowned.  
"Wow thanks," Aaron said sarcastically. "It's been a rough last few months. Sean's been in the hospital almost nonstop since like August."  
"Are things getting any better?" Cameron asked.  
"Not really," Aaron sighed. "He was starting to do better, but then he stopped responding to the treatment and the cancer came back hard so his blood counts were all fucked up. Now they're gonna try real intense chemo so he can get a bone marrow transplant, but even if that works there could be major complications from it so I'm not feeling great about our options right now."  
"I'm so sorry," Cameron said.  
Aaron blinked back his tears. "He said if this doesn't work he wants to stop treatment. Which I get. It's just so hard cause I don't want to lose him," Aaron said, his voice cracking.  
"Shit," Cameron said. "I'm so sorry man. I feel awful I haven't checked up on you more."  
"Don't," Aaron said. "It's my own fault. I feel like I've shut everyone out."  
"Yeah but you're going through a lot. Do you know how much longer he'll be in the hospital?" Cameron asked.  
"I have no idea," Aaron said. "I know it won't be before Thanksgiving which really sucks. I really hope it's before Christmas but it really just depends how he responds to everything."  
"I'm really sorry man," Cameron said. "Please just let me know if you need anything. You don't have to go through this alone."  
Aaron felt good hearing someone else say that. He needed all the support he could get.  
"Thank you," he said.

The next week Sean's family started to come in. For now it was only his sister but soon his parents would be there as well.   
Aaron liked that he had more people to visit him, but he wasn't exactly looking forward to hosting Sean's family, especially under these circumstances.  
When Aaron walked in the hospital room Sean looked relieved.  
"Can I have a minute alone with my husband?" he asked his sister.  
"Fine," she said sounding annoyed. Aaron could tell they'd been arguing.  
Sarah walked out of the room and Aaron sat down and faced Sean.  
"What's wrong?" he asked.  
"I'm over this," he said. "I want to be at home and I should only be seeing my family because of the holidays. Not because I'm here."  
"I'm sorry. I really wish you could go home too," Aaron said.  
Sean shook his head. "I told Sarah what we'd talked about. How if this doesn't work we're stopping treatment. She got all pissed and said I didn't care about you and the family if I did that."  
"She has no right to say that," Aaron said. "She's not the one whose been sick and in and out of the hospital for the past almost 4 months now. She hasn't seen how hard this has been on you."  
"It just made me upset," Sean said. "I don't want you to think I don't care about you. I just can't do this forever."  
"I know Sean, and I don't think you don't care about me. I know you have been over this since it started, but you have been doing your treatments and trying to get better. And I know it's hard on you and I don't want you to do it forever either."  
Sean sighed. "It sucks, and I'm in a shit mood right now. I'm sorry."  
"Do you want me to stay or leave?" Aaron asked.  
"Stay," Sean mumbled. "But I want Sarah to leave."  
"I'll talk to her," Aaron said. "You two don't need to be fighting right now."

Aaron walked out into the waiting room and over to Sarah.  
"So I heard what happened," he began.  
"Look I know he's pissed," Sarah interrupted, "But he shouldn't say stuff like that."  
"It's his choice," Aaron said defensively.  
"And you're really okay with him letting himself die?" Sarah sneered.  
"Okay first off he is still doing treatment and wants to get the bone marrow transplant," Aaron said frustrated. "And second yes I am okay with it because I have seen him suffer for the past 3 month. Of course I wish he would keep trying treatments til we found one that worked, but I'm not going to guilt trip him into doing that if he doesn't want to. He is miserable and he wants it to be over with one way or another and I understand that."  
"I don't want him to die," Sarah said. Tears filled her eyes.  
"I don't want him to either," Aaron said quietly. "And he doesn't want to either, and I know he is frustrated and sad and he needs the support of his family more than ever right now."  
"I feel awful," Sarah said. "I shouldn't have yelled at him like that."  
"Well believe it or not I've stormed out of that room quite a few times times too," Aaron said with a laugh. "We're all really stressed right now and fights will happen. But let's go back in there and make things right cause I know he needs your support right now."

They walked back in Sean's room and when Sean saw his sister he rolled his eyes  
"Stop," Aaron said sternly. "Let her talk."  
"Sean I'm so sorry," she said. "I had no right saying that to you."  
"No you didn't," Sean replied.  
"Aaron told him how hard this has been on both you of. I'm sorry I wasn't around more."  
Sean sat up and looked at his sister.  
"You could've called more," he said. "I know I act like I don't need you guys to check in, but I do. And Aaron really needed it. He doesn't have a family to turn to."  
Aaron was surprised to hear Sean say all this. He didn't realize he felt this way.   
"I know Sean," Sarah said. "I feel awful and there's really no excuse. I just didn't have what to say and you always shut us out when we tried to talk."  
"I know I haven't handled this whole thing very good," Sean said. "But I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel. Especially now."  
"Can we all just admit we're all under a lot of stress and probably haven't handled things good and move on?" Aaron asked. "I don't think any of us need the stress of fighting on top of everything else."  
"I think that's a good idea," Sarah said.  
"I agree," Sean said.  
Aaron sat next to Sean and grabbed his hand.  
"I love you," he whispered to him.  
"I love you too," Sean whispered back. "It's all gonna work out okay."


End file.
